How to fill your own cup first as a working mum

I was told that nothing prepares you for motherhood, and in some respects they were right. 

Becoming a mum has changed everything for me, including how I see myself. It has taught me that motherhood is just as much about rediscovering myself and listening to my own needs, as it is about raising my 2 children.

Balancing a career and motherhood can feel like an endless juggling act. Between work deadlines, school runs, meal prep, and everything in between, it’s easy to put yourself last. But we’ve all heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, yet the reality is many mums do and think it’s just the way it is. 

Let me stop you right there! This does not have to be the case, and is this the message you want to pass on to your children? No, I didn't think so. 

You absolutely deserve the good things in life, and your children want that for you too. Just imagine if you could…

• Take a proper break without feeling guilty (just sit and relax!)

• Say no to extra work without over-explaining 

• Ask for time alone without feeling like a bad mum

• Go for that promotion or new job without doubting yourself

• Start a creative hobby that doesn't include the kids

This doesn't happen because you are NOT making it a priority. I know this, because so many mums tell me they struggle with this. I have been there myself, and I still catch myself doing it now.

Every day is a school day.

So if you are struggling to prioritise yourself, then do it for your child(ren) instead. That might feel easier to do right now. In time you will see why it was worth the effort, but right now you just need some motivation to fill your own cup and get started. I know, I have been there too. 

So let’s get started with how, shall we?

Starting with the end in mind

If you’re familiar with how I work, then you’ll know that I am all about starting with clarity.

If you know what you’re aiming for, then you can reverse engineer how to get there. If there is no destination, then how will you know where you are going, or how you are going to get there? 

So let’s start there. I want you to grab something to write on and answer the following question in relation to what you want for your career and motherhood.

Ask yourself:

Imagine it is 3 months from now, and you have met up with some of your nearest and dearest friends to celebrate you. What would you be achieving that deserves a celebration? 

This is not just a tick in the box goal. This is something that fills your cup and gives back to you, so you can show up as the woman and mother you want to be. I want you to imagine how it makes you feel, and what you will be able to do, be and have because of this. 

If you love a brainstorm (like me) then jot down all the thoughts and ideas that come to mind. Just getting it all written down can be so inspiring and insightful. 

I know there may be moments of mum guilt as you work through this, and that is most likely because you are not used to focusing on what you want or need. Please know that your guilt is coming from a good place. It shows you care and it is a nudge that something needs to change so you can feel good too, not just the others around you. 

Back to life, back to reality

And back in the room. That was nice wasn't it? Imagining what could be possible and what it could feel like once achieved. 

To get to where you want to be, you have to face your reality. This leads me to my second question.

Ask yourself:

What does your typical day/week look like for you right now? 

This question is about understanding where you are now, and then comparing it to where you want to be so you can identify the gaps and what needs some attention. 

What do you notice when you compare them side by side?

This is where you often find some challenges or obstacles that can stop you from taking that much needed action. Don’t worry about that part right now, we will cover that shortly. Right now, it is just about getting clear about the gap between what you want and what your current reality looks like. 

Look out, obstacles ahead!

Ok, so now let’s talk about those things that might get in the way of you achieving your goals. Those annoying obstacles that pop up at really inconvenient times and make you question if its worth all the effort. 

Any of these sound familiar?

• Your child is sick and wants you and only you

• That meeting with your manager you’ve been prepping for all week has just asked if you can reschedule 

• Nursery/school is closed and now you have to find alternative child care for the day or cancel plans

• You had a night of broken sleep and don't have the energy to focus

• You realise you have to have an awkward conversation with someone and want to run for the hills

• You’ve asked for help but the message is not getting through so you continue to struggle in silence 

• You feel overwhelmed and a complete imposter at the thought of doing something that will help you achieve your goal, and you freeze in fear

I get it, I really do. Change is hard, but it is also necessary if you want to see change happen. 

This is why I am an absolute advocate for starting small when it comes to your goals. You are currently in your comfort zone, even though, ironically, it is not that comfortable. You need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, and starting small can help. 

So to get you started, I want you to make a list of all the things that are getting in the way of you and your beautiful goals. The more the merrier, as you can revisit this list again should you feel stuck again in the future. 

Once you have your list, I want you to put a tick against the things that you can control, and a cross against the things that are out of your control. This is really important, as we can often spend a lot of time overthinking the things that we cannot control and we then wonder why we aren't making any progress.

Setting boundaries with CARE

Yes, those awkward things that everyone talks about which protect your time and energy. Basically, boundaries are rules that we make to help people understand what is acceptable and unacceptable for us. While I know they can feel uncomfortable to set, boundaries are not selfish or unkind. They're about teaching others how to treat you—and learning how to respect other people’s boundaries too.

Let's set a boundary now, using my CARE framework below:

1. Pick one thing from your list you want to see more of that is within your control to change. 

2. Clarify what you need - what feels draining, overwhelming or uncomfortable about this right now? What do you need to change this?

3. Acknowledge your feelings - what thoughts and feelings come up for you around setting this boundary? Please know that your feelings are valid and it is helpful to feel and process them. Writing them down or speaking them out loud can be really helpful.

4. Reframe your story - what will this boundary help you do, be or have? 

5. Empower yourself - communicate your boundary with kind but firm language that expresses your need clearly.

Here is a personal example for context:

More structure = I feel like I can run here and there as a mum, so structure helps me feel more in control of my time and energy. 

When I don't feel in control I can feel overwhelmed and I can procrastinate.

Time blocking my day has been a game changer for me. I work from 9am - 2pm around the nursery run, so scheduling my coaching slots, working on the business, life admin, etc. helps me stay on top and feel in control. I also plan in buffer time in case things change…which can happen a lot as a mum, but you know that already.

Planning my time in advance helps me confidently communicate with the people around what I can and cannot do because it is already planned in and committed to.

Now it’s your turn. After working through these steps, I want you to write down one boundary you will implement this week in either your work or family life, and set yourself a deadline so it actually happens. Feel free to share with me if you’re comfortable.

Guilt doesn’t help, but compassion does

I find it helpful to remember, by letting go of guilt and focusing on compassion instead, you show your child(ren) the power of setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and prioritising what truly matters. When you lead by example, you teach them that self-compassion and healthy choices are just as important as hard work and care for others.

I really hope you have found this blog post insightful, and it has inspired you to take some small steps that don't leave you feeling stuck or overwhelmed. 

If you feel you need some support as you work on this, I am here to help.

I offer flexible and affordable 1:1 coaching packages that can help you get to where you want to be. My goal is to meet you where you are and work in ways that make sense to you, ensuring a truly personalised and supportive experience.

Book your complimentary coaching call today.